just clicked into his fb page (we are not even friend in fb, lofl) n realised he is continuing study in other country. he attempted to talk to me once last year (before we really never see each other again) but i refused (ok more like im being timid). i wasnt ready and willing to face him even after a year. i hated him. what i chose was to ignore and forget about what had happened. i did it. all the way i kept reminding myself with the reasons how wrong it is that we are together. so then i will feel better with my decision to give up, to leave. after all, he didnt really give me the answer i wanted. i was certain that time my decision is right, the decision was well supported by some close friends too.
of course now the feeling of hatred is not as intense. n some part of the good memories (those that i were once thrown away from the memory) sneak in. i should not feel regret to be in love with him that time although i would still make the same decision if theres another chance. there were still some beautiful genuine moments we once shared. no matter how bad he had been described to me by friends, how bad he is when he always made me to help him to do the essays for submission (while i need to rush my own submission) or how bad i had to smell the second hand smoke from his cigarettes. in some (maybe little) way, he makes me a little better person. i dont remember what it was that made me that little better though.
a hk drama reminds me of this (dont laugh la): you need to face your fear to overcome it. that waasnt really a fear but something similar. to describe that maybe like...something that your trying to pretend its ok and think you have moved on but your actually confined. maybe this is something that halts me. i was and am still confused with what is good for myself and to the person i love.
maybe i will get to find the answer from someone one day...
of course now the feeling of hatred is not as intense. n some part of the good memories (those that i were once thrown away from the memory) sneak in. i should not feel regret to be in love with him that time although i would still make the same decision if theres another chance. there were still some beautiful genuine moments we once shared. no matter how bad he had been described to me by friends, how bad he is when he always made me to help him to do the essays for submission (while i need to rush my own submission) or how bad i had to smell the second hand smoke from his cigarettes. in some (maybe little) way, he makes me a little better person. i dont remember what it was that made me that little better though.
a hk drama reminds me of this (dont laugh la): you need to face your fear to overcome it. that waasnt really a fear but something similar. to describe that maybe like...something that your trying to pretend its ok and think you have moved on but your actually confined. maybe this is something that halts me. i was and am still confused with what is good for myself and to the person i love.
maybe i will get to find the answer from someone one day...
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Chasing Cars -Snow Patrol
1 Comments:
i do laugh when go thru the 3rd paragraph~=p
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